so that wasnt chicken after all
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
