Someone shit on the floor
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Randomize
