i would punch a child for taco bell
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
