I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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