she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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