If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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