So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
