8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
