This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
