i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
