just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
honey bunches of taint.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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