Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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