he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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