She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
