So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
