when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
