you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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