I cut my penus on the lid.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
