I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
