I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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