good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
