Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
