i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
