Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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