Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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