How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
