I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Randomize
