Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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