kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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