Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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