Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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