haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
