At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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