dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
