Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
