I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
