i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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