So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
