just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
