insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
