I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
