take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
