Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
