are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Randomize
