that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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