I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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