I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
