You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
