At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
