He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Randomize
