went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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